Modern Dating & Those Who Survive It

The Beginning Of A (Not So) Perfect Relationship

Have any of you ever been in a situation where you meet someone who is just the right amount of your complementary opposite? I assume that this happens just about as often as hitting triple sevens, but it still happens.

How about meeting someone who is right enough that you want to take that plunge in their waters, only to find out that you both have very different views on a "deal breaker" subject, for instance: religion, children, marriage? What then? Is the possibility of this new beginning powerful enough to cause you to even consider changing or altering your core values or beliefs?

So many people got together for various, but not so brilliant, reasons:

• Fear of loneliness
• Desperation
• Social awareness

I wonder what the driving force would be to make one say, "Only if these things are right"? Would it be better to have a relationship with someone who meets these criteria, but lacks some of the basic stuff: honesty, integrity, monogamy? According to the sheer volume of "failed" relationships, it would appear that the question answers itself.

The key piece of missing information is whether or not these inner beliefs were fully discussed before taking the plunge. Like the backbone of the Internet and modern electronics, communication still plays a vital role in any (potential) relationship, yet it appears to be one element which is constantly missing.

Could it be a sense of "I'll cross that bridge when I get there", or perhaps the end result of living a highly optimistic lifestyle?

To put it in a silly fashion... would you rather be with someone who shared all of your values but had a horrific sense of style, or someone who was the complete opposite of all you desired but was a snappy dresser?

Discovering The Modern Rules For Dating

I often wonder what the actual modern day rules for dating are. It seems to me that it's the dealer's choice as there appears to be no real consistency about the process. When you determine your “relationship status” has been set to dating, is this a monogamous activity? Do you date one person until someone determines that there is no future here? Do you just try to go out with as many people as possible and see if this can become a new career?

One popular scenario seems to be going on dates with people you actively know you do not plan to see again. I'd be most willing to know the motivation behind this. For some, dating seems to be a "filler" activity when they have vacant time slots in their day.

I have seen several posts on social networks for people who want someone to "hang" with them on a particular day. Nothing says "good investment of time and / or money" like hanging out with a random stranger for unspecified reasons.

I may be a bit old fashioned, but I thought that a date was an opportunity to get to know someone intimately on a social level. If "hanging" with random people is the goal, I would think that the good old white pages, or yellow pages if you prefer a corporate hang, would be the go to guide. Anyway, as I continue on my never ending quest to learn as much as I can, I hope the answers can present themselves as painlessly as possible.

Groundhog Date: The Beginning

I was asked once what a first date with me would be like. This will always get a different answer, since every woman I've ever met was as different as any snowflake. While I'm aware that there are several well known "first date" scenarios documented throughout time, I tend to suffer from a degree of uniqueness which scientists are probably still defining.

From my experiences, however, I believe that there are certain things that can almost always guarantee a certain amount of success for any woman when she seeks to have a good first date experience with a new gentleman.

Don't you want me? Ooooohhh!

Knowledge Is Power

From the dawn of human existence it has been well established that the more you know about a thing, the better you can deal with it. Women, to some extent, are no different. Attempting to romance a lady using a generic dating technique may prove to be more stress than is really necessary. Not all women have the same likes, tastes, or interests. This little fact seems to be quite ignored by several romance novels and movies.

It must be understood that men usually work best with some kind of blueprint. If a lady likes long walks on the beach versus sitting on a park bench and having a chat, by all means ladies, drop a bread crumb. The disclaimer here is that all men are not the same and occasionally there may be the need to use some diagrams or hand puppets.

However, once a lady has found herself a decent guy, he will usually put in the required effort. Men are simple beings and simple instructions yield the best results.

Eat The Thoughts... Not The Brain

By now, you have probably heard the expression: "Can I pick your brain?". What good is it to simply pluck some thoughts from another person's mind without actually consuming them? I have found this lack of digestion to lead to a series of "calorie free" conversations where people seem to just want to know what you are thinking, out of sheer boredom or fear of silence (Simon & Garfunkel playing somewhere in the distance).

An excellent example that comes to mind is when people are willing to cease all contact with you if you are unwilling to divulge some form of "personal" information which you may deem to be just that… personal. Birthdays have been a common form of this.

Now, while I'm not against the sharing of certain "basics", I fail to see how something so trivial to the inner workings of another human being became essential knowledge for carrying on casual conversations. Unless the objective was to appear at the birthday boy’s, or girl's, residence wearing nothing but a trench coat, or some similar gesture on said day, I can't really see how this knowledge is being put to good use.

Getting back to actual conversations, when you ask someone to reveal to you the hidden treasures of their innermost thoughts, do yourself a favor and try to use this information productively. According to Bob Marley:

The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.

This is no different from asking a person for their opinion on any matter, merely for the purpose of passing time. We now live in a world of electronic mobile devices which serve this exact purpose (although they can do several other, possibly more productive, things). I am still quite partial to the Star Wars editions of the Angry Birds games (both one and two), but enough about how I "waste time". Similar to Bob's quote, when you engage another person's intellectual G-Spot, it causes them to activate a passion which should not be wasted.


I get the feeling that if you successfully get a lady's phone number, she gave it to you with the unspoken understanding that you will call her within the near future. It could also be, as was the case in one encounter I had, she needed sufficient motivation to change her current number.

With that said, there will always be a time and place for conversations of a non-serious nature, usually with the aid of alcohol. Let us remember, though, that the only way you can really get to know someone well is to consume their intangibles. Thoughts, obviously. Which reminds me…

Sources:

• https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/700768-the-biggest-coward-of-a-man-is-to-awaken-the